While most were waking up groggy from too much champagne, their best party dress ripped and makeup smeared across their face, I was on a plane New Year’s Day, literally living out my unspoken life resolution. Well, actually I was busy missing my plane by 3 minutes of the gate closing which resulted in a complete emotional melt down of sobbing, followed by a 3 hour wait, a detour to Boston for a 3 hour layover and then finally, 3 million years later, to San Diego (that’s a lot of 3’s)! Talk about a solid start to the new year, eh?
But seriously…solid start to a new year is an understatement.
I have always thought of myself as one who wanders freely with the wind, but even for me this was a big change. My motto has always been to move with the current of life, and in doing so I found myself clear across the country to follow my own personal path. During these past weeks I have felt the most insane range of emotions and it’s all for the better. I have missed my family, my friends, my rabbit; I have just missed home. But at the root of all these human emotions is just a raw luster to live. There’s no better way to push the refresh button than to move 3,000 miles from the place you’ve called home for 28 years…on New Year’s Day. Impeccable timing.
My 2016 kick off didn’t quite consist of any resolutions actually. In all honesty I felt like this change was quite enough for me. I didn’t feel that giving up my favorite foods or finding my workout routine would really do much for me, so instead I had a non-resolution: continue to live life the way I have been; listening to my intuition. The interesting part of listening to intuition is that I still don’t have it all figured out. I don’t always say the right thing and I definitely don’t always do the right thing. I’m just willing; to live and breathe and do and fuck up and try better next time. I think the beautiful part about each of us as individuals is just that. We don’t have this thing figured out. My non-resolution for 2016 was to start this new life and to be totally fucking human and to accept change, yet remain the same. (By “same” I mean, stay authentic to my core.) My non-resolution was to stay honest and real, kind, courteous and outgoing, yet playful and silly. These are the things that make up who I am. And I couldn’t have been put more to the challenge as I get to know new people. My biggest obstacle has inevitably been letting go of worrying about what others think of me. And as you can imagine under the circumstances, this has been trying for me. I have moments of being totally okay with what I bring to the table and other moments Im silently freaking out if I did or said something wrong. The over-analyzing is also a part of who I am and it can be exhausting and counter-productive to my authenticity. So basically letting it all go has become my goal in these fresh weeks of January. The plus is that I am blessed to work with a really incredible, talented and chill group of people in the gorgeous city of Downtown San Diego for the kick ass Wedding Photography company, True Photography. So, I kind of have it good so far.
Im still trying to wrap my head around how richly abundant life has become and how grateful I am for all that is unfolding before my eyes. I can’t even articulate all of it because there are so many crazy details I see in hindsight which brought me to where I stand. All the obstacles were worth the frustration, pain and hard work. In these 19 days of January I have found solitude in the extreme changes I am experiencing. I have found peace in the empty, vast unknown. What lies ahead exhilarates me. I have gratidue in knowing that each step of the way I have done the things my heart and soul desires. In that fact alone I have found a contentment that I have longed for; I found it within myself. Living out our dreams is happening right now. The road is laid out before us, but we can repave it at any time we please. We can create the life we want to enjoy. This takes time, effort, sacrifice and sometimes just a simple dose of crazy. Take that leap, jump at any chance you can without anything holding you back from it. Despite what others’ wishes are for you, despite what they say, the only one that needs to believe in you, is YOU! Do that thing you said you wanted to do. Live the SHIT out life. That’s what this breath and this moment is here for.
-life rant over-
Anyway, now onto my outfit! The cool part about working in a studio is that my colleagues share the same love for photography as I do. So finding someone to shoot with isn’t terribly hard as long as they are willing to take the time out. The wonderful, kind and very talented Jeeheon and I decided to do a fun little shoot together in Balboa Park, San Diego CA which resulted in some really awesome work. Thankfully I had one decent outfit with me since Im STILL waiting on my car to be shipped (it has all my clothes in it). Take a look at his website for more of his work! www.jeeheoncho.com
Shot in Balboa Park, San Diego CA
Photographer: Jeeheon Cho
Enhancing by Me (these photos have zero skin retouching nor photoshop manipulation-someting Im starting to do more of with photos of myself)