My biggest realization as of lately is how consistently inconsistent I am. I can’t seem to shake this, no matter how hard I try. I have tried EVERYTHING to succeed in consistency including: extreme measures, giving myself rules, giving up, coming up with feasible goals, failing at those goals..the list goes on. Working out, eating right, blogging/writing often, personal projects in photography, keeping up with my personal brand, starting a clothing line, staying in touch with friends & family-these things and many more hold importance to me and yet it seems each day comes to a close and my to-do list stays incomplete. (ADHD much?)
The problem with consistency and craving balance is the shaky ground in which I stand on daily. You see, I forget that life is ever-changing. Each day, each week, each month is different and yet, the lingering notion that my life will pass me by and I will not be able to accomplish all my heart desires is always present. The pressing fears sound like this… “What will I become? Who will I be? When will I be able to complete everything?” The fear that life just keeps going, we get older, the fear of losing time… these are the things that perpetuate this inner need to be stable with consistency, always barreling forward towards the next fulfilling project and for the finish line that says “you have now reached complete nirvana in life, now enjoy.” Its the delusion that once I have this stability and constant in my life I will be happy, free, peaceful. And to some extent, YES that is true. But for me, the most peaceful place to be is living in acceptance for who I am in this moment, with lists of incomplete projects and ideas that have not yet come to fruition. In this moment, I am not the consistent woman that I want to be, I have not reached all of my goals, I am not always stable on my own two feet, I am constantly swaying and changing. Peace comes when my awareness of self is heightened and begin to love myself for all the great AND not so great things I possess. That same love and understanding for self is available for all of us. That is something each of us can tap into at any time, its just a matter of when.
I think its important to take time and recognize our GROWTH. I often forget where I have come from, how hard it once was for me to function in normal every day life and to complete truly SIMPLE tasks. My inconsistencies today are a FARRRR cry from what they once were. Sometimes the days blur into one another and its hard to step back to see self growth, but this is imperative if I want to know acceptance. Any improvement is the greatest ACHIEVEMENT and a true testament to real change.
Be love. Not just towards others, but turn that inward to yourself. I have spent a lot of my life trying to lift others up while I put myself down. I never wanted other people to feel the kind of pain I had always felt inside, so I would take my feelings and express them to help others find positivity, love and peace for themselves-only to be a hypocrite and not find my own. Im not sure if I thought the martyr card won me some kind of prize, but I know today that if I am to ever help someone else, I must only lead by example. This is something I have learned and have been trying to practice just in the past few months.
So yeah, Im definitely not here to give any solid advice at the moment, just sharing whatever stuff comes to me on this journey. Hopefully one day ill be able to tell you all how I grew in this area, but for now this is the current events of my world. Life moves along, we see ourselves, we stay stuck, we become different, and in our experiences we grow. Im learning that the only consistency we each have to hold onto is CHANGE. We either move with that current, or we get sucked away into the darkness. And that my friends, is just the way it goes.
On the same theme, my lack of consistency with healthy eating and working out has landed me an out of shape body from what Im used to. I have left these photos unretouched for the purpose of celebrating beauty in all my slightly different sizes. Im celebrating the change that is my body because just for today Im okay with it as it is. (this flip slops often ha!)
Look below for outfit info & details (photos by Chantel Breanne Photography)
For this outfit I went with vintage pieces such as this Ellen Tracy Silk Scarf as a head wrap. I know she’s old school but you can find really great vintage scarves by her right here. Or if you really want to splurge, I would recommend an iconic Hermes silk scarf! My sunglasses are from lulus but are no longer in stock, click here for similar. My dress is Mint. by Jessica Snyder, but I can’t seem to find a lil back to any sites which is weird. Pretty sure its a shirt also but I’m short so its a mini dress on me ha! Shoes are from shoedazzle and are sold out but these are really cool. Bag, similar by my favorite here. Gold rings by Gorjana from Rocksbox (use my code thefashimitexoxo for 1 month free!). Pyramid stud cuff from stella and dot here. Similar to C Wonder Blue druzy cuff here.